Funderingar

Jag sitter nu och funderar vad jag vill ha ut med mitt liv.
Vissa saker kanske aldrig kommer ske som jag så gärna önskar, och hur ska jag då förhålla mig till det då?
Just nu är det mycket funderingar kring detta med denna förbannande ledvärken.
Även om den har blivit betydligt bättre än vad den har varit de senaste veckorna så finns den ändå kvar. Jag klarar mer och mer, men jag har fortfarande svårigheter med mycket. 
Jag kan fortfarande inte hålla samma tempo, svårt att gå i trappor... även om det är mycket bättre. 
Jag har svårt att knyta händerna utan att det gör ont, vilket gör att det är svårt att öppna saker med lock exemeplvis burkar.
 
Man kanske inte ska fundera så mycket än innan man har mer svar, om ca en vecka ska jag till reumatologen och förhoppningsvis får jag mer svar då. 
Men tänk om jag behöver leva med denna värk resten av mitt liv, vad ska jag då göra och vad kommer jag klara av?

Jag ser framför mig hur mamma blev sjukpenssionär vid 40 årsålder pga sin värk och även om hon försökte hitta arbeten som hon försökte klara av gick inte det.
Är det min framtid? Sjukpensionär? Svårt att hitta arbeten som jag klarar av?

När jag har hittat ett arbete som jag älskar, sjuksköterska på en akutmottagning.
Kommer jag klara av det?
Ska jag utbilda mig till något helt annant?
Kommer jag klara av att nå min dröm, att arbeta som läkare en dag? Eller kommer jag behöva kompromissa även där?
Ska man utbilda sig till nåt som inte har med vården att göra? Men vad ska jag göra då?
 
Många tankar som far runt i mitt huvud.
 
Mitt jobb som jag har nu ger mig stimulans, både socialt och när det kommer till utmaningar... men jag kanske inte klarar av det så mycket längre... kroppen kanske inte klarar av det?
 
Finns det andra jobb som man kan ha med en sjuksköterskeexamen? 
Skulle jag nöja med att sitta på ett kontor någonstans och syssla med pappersarbete?

Jag har sedan en tid, innan detta med ledvärken började, funderat på om jag har valt rätt yrkesval....
Vad skulle jag vilja göra som inte har med vården att göra? 
Att arbeta inom vården är slitsamt, både psykiskt och fysiskt. Som sjuksköterska har man ett otroligt ansvar. 
Jag älskar det jag jobbar med och jag älskar att arbeta med människor men är det värt det? Är det värt allt slit? 
Tungt arbete, dåligt med uppskattning, personalbrist, dålig arbetsmiljön, extrapass, ge 100% på arbetet hela tiden, svårt att hinna återhämta sig, lite tid över till annat som fritridsintressen, vänner, familj, obekväma arbetstider, mindre bra lön och dålig löneutveckling.
Men samtidigt arbetar man med underbara människor, man får dagligen utmaningar, man får hjälpa människor i svåra livssituationer, man får bokstavligt talat möjlighet att rädda liv och den känslan när man faktiskt har räddat ett liv är helt fantastikt och man utvecklas dagligen i både sin profession och i sin person. Hur många yrken ger det?
 
Just nu sitter jag och kollar på olika utbildningar:
  • Läkare? 5,5 år + 1,5 års AT-tjänstgöring innan man kan få en läkarlegitimation för att sedan göra sin ST för att kunna bli spicialistläkare inom nåt område... och jag kanske vill bli akutläkare
  • Biomedicin? 3år med eventuellt ytterliggare 1-2 års vidareutbildning för att kunna forska inom området, men denna utbildning finns inte i närheten av där jag bor
  • Läkemedelskemist? 3 år med ytterliggare 1-2 års vidareutbildning för forskningmöjligheter
  • Molekylärbiologi? 3år med ytterliggare 1-2 års vidareutbildning för forskningmöjligheter
  • Bioteknik? 5 år
  • Apotekare? 5år
  • Olika vidareutbildningar på sjuksköterska? Akutsjuksköterska - 1år, Narkossjuksköterska - 1år, 
Enligt CSN har jag bara rätt till ytterligare 120 veckor studiemedel....
så om jag läser de längre programen har jag inte rätt till studiemedel under hela studietiden, och kommer jag klara av att arbeta samtidigt som jag studera, och då kommer eventuellt mycket av kurslitteraturen vara på engelska.... jag som inte kan engelska.
 
Fast man kan juh alltid söka å sedan se om man kommer in för att sedan ta ett beslut hur man vill göra... och om det är detta jag vill göra.
 
Eller så väntar man och ser vart livet för en?
funderingar och åter funderingar... 
 
tack å hej leverpastej
 
 

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